all of my life

i don't need a parachute

2010-05-16T16:33:00.009+08:00

was listening to parachute by cheryl cole.

gonna post the lyrics. love it man.

Cheryl Cole - "Parachute"
I don't tell anyone about the way you hold my hand

I don't tell anyone about the things that we have planned

I won't tell anybody

Won't tell anybody

They want to push me down

They want to see you fall (down)

Won't tell anybody how you turn my world around

I won't tell anyone how your voice is my favourite sound

Won't tell anybody

They want to see us fall

They want to see us fall (down)

don't need a parachute

Baby, if I've got you

I don't need a parachute

You're gonna catch me

You're gonna catch if I fall

Down, down, down

Don't believe the things you tell yourself so late night

You are your own worst enemy

You'll never win the fight

Just hold on to me

I'll hold on to you

It's you and me up against the world

It's you and me

I won't fall out of love

I won't fall out of,

I won't fall out of love

I won't fall out of,

I won't fall out of love

I won't fall out of,

I won't fall out of love

I'll fall into you

Well, why i like this song so much is because i believe that most of us

we need some form of parachute in our life, like it or not.

It may be religion, our conscience, our friends etc.

In this song, obviously you have to trust your partner alot in order not to need a parachute.

Acheivable.?

back after hiatus

2010-05-10T12:31:00.003+08:00

of dandelions.

dandelions (taraxacum officinale) are actually weeds.

but weeds that are the "official remedy for disorders"

hello there. or shd i say ola!

i am back after the long hiatus.

honestly, i wonder if anyone still reads this. HA.

well, that doesn't mean that my life has been boring and mundane.

in fact, quite the opposite.

these few mths have brought me alot of surprises, joy and pain.

i won't be talking about them as they are in the past.

my mentality now is to look forward.

well, stay tune for further updates.
i promise they'll come more frequently.

i officially break hiatus.

hope you welcome me back with open arms.

words.

2009-12-23T10:07:00.001+08:00

sticks and stones wont break my bones,

but words break down my heart completely.

2009-11-17T18:10:00.002+08:00

i remember i wanted to upload this during the day the sun stood still sermon.

and i didnt.

and so thats for how long i did not update.

its not that i dont have anything to update about.

its just that i dont know how to go about posting it.

my sun stood still moment hasn't come yet.

in fact, it seems as if i'm getting further and further away from it.

no one else to take the blame except myself.

haha, laugh at myself to sleep.

what happens.?

2009-10-31T11:45:00.002+08:00

hmm.
what happens when you found out things you do not wanna know about.?
what happens when you realise that what is going to happen might not be something that you agree fully with.?
what happens when you wanna help but you dont know how to go about doing so.?
what happens when you're unhappy but you cant say it out.

what happens.?
when you feel stucked but no one cares.?

well, eat grass.
dont wanna think so much.

right here, right now

2009-10-24T22:28:00.005+08:00

this is all that is left.
for now.

Isaiah 40:31 :
but those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength.

post birthday

2009-10-19T09:32:00.005+08:00

sometimes, i like simplicity

hello everyone.

okay, i know i havent been updating for what seems like centuries.

and i wonder if anybody still reads this.

one day after my birthday, but i really still dont feel 20th. ):
hopefully, it sinks in.
and cross your fingers that i'll behave more "adult-ish"
but i guess not since i'm really very selective of who i show my "adult-ish" side to.

so be contented with the mella childish side.

i have to admit.
this wasn't one of my best birthdays, in fact, i was quite disappointed at some point.
but on second thoughts, i realised that all this taught me to practice what i preach.

i've always said.

it is important to look at small joys as well as big joys.
but this time, even i myself kept wanting something BIG and joyous.
well, but i didn't have something BIG but nonetheless, it was joyous.
keeping things simple.
and it helped me to know who really loves me for who i am and

who's just saying it w/o meaning it.

this means alot to me. (:

and now that i've known,
i guess i wont be so nice anymore.
since we're all selfish afterall.
too bad, you've had your chance.

just joking, im not this kind of person.

everyone, have a good day ahead. (:

birthday verse:

Ecclesiates 11:9

Young people, it’s wonderful to be young!

Enjoy every minute of it.

Do everything you want to do; take it all in.

But remember that you must give an account to God for everything you do.

2009-09-22T21:09:00.002+08:00

Proverbs 17:9
Love prospers when a fault is forgiven,
but dwelling on it separates close friends.

i will bear this in mind and love every single one of you.
enough said.
i shd be studying for my paper tmr.

nagging worry.
im turning 20, oh crap. ):

im back, so is blogger. (:

2009-09-20T12:31:00.005+08:00

the one thing i ask, is to be with You.

wow. its beeen sooo long.
i am really enjoying myself in school.
studying about psychology, the developmental stage of children.
its really very interesting.
helps me to understand alot of things better too.
i am studying till the 4th dec.
so its like 0900-1630 everyday.
but im really excited for all the modules.

i think i've change alot over the few weeks.
and i know there are ppl who are judging me cos of my changes.
but i really cannot be bothered with this ppl because God will judge them.

yesterday i was reading Proverbs 14.
this was what came to me.

Proverbs 14:13
Laughter can conceal a heavy heart, but when the laughter ends, the grief remains.

yes, i do know its common sense.
but how many of us really understand what this verse means.?
when i read it i was like "wahh, jia lat, thats what i always do, laugh laugh laugh but the pain is still there."
do you know how sad it is to laugh only to snap back into reality with the pain.?

then it was until this morning that i realise what God was trying to tell me.
that is i can laugh it off, but the grief is there.
i need to let go of the pain, bitterness and let Him take charge of it.
to let go of my heavy heart.

upstairs, downstairs.

2009-09-10T19:44:00.000+08:00

Sin is like a staircase that spirals down to a tunnel.

If I was stuck in a place, center of a building with only staircases and no lifts.
I think I will not hesistate much to going down instead of UP. haha.
IMO, going down the stairs is always so much easier than going up the stairs.
little to no effort needed when you go down, and its so much faster.
but imagine if going down all the wway and you meet a dead end, OH MAN.
you gotta climb all the way back up again for the way out.

to me right now,
sin is the same thing.
it always seems so easy to stumble into it, and go on doing it
only to draw the same conclusion at the end of the day which is its temporal joy and leads you to nowhere.

so the next time im stucked, im gonna put in more effort to think about only going up.

anyway, that was a spontaneous thought yesterday.
yes, i was sinning.
then God straight away put a spiral staircase going downwards image in my mind.
yes, i totally got the idea.

yesterday, was also the day that God use me in a totally dramatic way.
i dont know why. i guess He's asking me not to rationalise too much.

anyway's sch starting in a week.
everyday, 0900hours-1600hours.

GRACIOUS. hope i dont slp in class. ):

open my heart.

2009-08-30T14:24:00.002+08:00

HELLO PEOPLE.!

im so sorry for the lack of updates.
really occupied by work now cos i go find things to do!

open my heart
what does it mean to open my heart.?
how do you open up your heart again amidst disappointments, betrayals and all things that
cause you to have a close heart, a gurded heart, a heart that refuse to share, refuse to melt.?

the only way is to know that there is a God who loves me unconditionally, who pursues me, who moulds me, who cares for me, who helps me piece back together, who is my source of strength, who supports me, who embraces me.
who does every single thing to spur me to let me know He loves me so much, so much more.

and also,
Ezekiel 11:19 [NLT]
'And I will give them singleness of heart and put a new spirit within them. I will take away their stony, stubborn heart and give them a tender, responsive heart.'

all of us have a RESPONSIVE heart.
i can only say so much, let God touch yours.

anyway, yesterday i was feeling lonely again (it always hits at night). ):
then i read Psalms 142
David was in a cave while he wrote it.
IN A CAVE.! can you imagine.?
darkness, solitary, nothing to do, nothing to hold on to, nothing to aim for.
EXACT FEELINGS.

Psalms 142:4-5
'I look for someone to come and help me, but no one gives me a passing thought!
No one will help me; no one cares a bit what happens to me.
Then I pray to you, O Lord. I say, “You are my place of refuge.
You are all I really want in life.'

well, at that point i was "own" by God.
He knows how i feel, without me saying.
and He shows clearly exactly what i gotta and need to do.

in this season,
God keeps showing me the similarities between King David and I.
and i am astounded.

open my heart,
i want to be closer to You.

iSLOGAN

2009-08-24T17:17:00.000+08:00

grins.
i took this from wei shun's blog.
im gonna generate 16 slogans bout mellllla.! (:
so fun and exciting.

1. What do you say to yourself every morning?
> Mella comes to those who wait

2. What do you want other people to say about you?
> We're with the Mella

3. Someone asked you out, your answer is...
> Mella not included

4. How would you answer a booty call?
> and all because the lady loves Mella

5. How would you introduce yourself to someone you really like?
> Designed for Mella

6. To someone you dislike?
> Challenge Mella

7. You're in a conversation and you suddenly feel the need to pee, how would you excuse yourself?
> There's only one Mella

8. Your parents ask you why you got home late, you say...
> Make the most of Mella

9. You're failing a subject, you say...
> Monsieur, with this Mella you are really spoiling us

10. The love of your life asks you to marry him/her, what do you say?
> For the Mella you dont't yet know

11. Your bf/gf is breaking up with you, you tell him/her...
> 151 countries, One Mella

12. Someone told you you're an asshole, you tell them...
> Everyone's favourite Mella

13. What are the best words to describe you?
> We all adore a Mella

14. If you're going to have a movie about your life, the title is...
> I'm cuckoo for Mella

15. Your last words before you die...
> Everything we do is driven for Mella

16. Your message to a special someone...
> We're with the Mella

heart of my heart.

-

2009-08-23T22:31:00.001+08:00

wow. a week just flew by me.
im really kinda busy at work.
but its good.
at the same time, im reading up alot.
all thanks to dekguan. (:
he has really lots of good books.

i have another 2 more weeks in school b4 i go to NIE.
im gonna seize every opportunity that i have.

im still at the same platform, same stage.
God is saying the same thing.
though it changes by a little, it revolves around Him wanting to get close to me.
its been long enuogh for me to learn that there is no and will not be any substitute for God
and for who He is and what He will do in my life.

but i am still kinda quiet.
it was like yesterday's sermon.
dry bones, dead end.
i just wait and let God do something first.
but God has already done but i am still waiting.

im really thankful for all the experiences that i've gone through.
and i pray that everyone will be strong too.

oh as a footnote, i really feel like shifting from blogger.
the html is acting up like crap.
lol. but if i moved, alan will be like "MELLA YOU MOVE BLOGS 5 TIMES A YEAR!"
hahahhaa. good night everyone.

Psalms 125:4

2009-08-16T11:21:00.003+08:00

Psalms 125:4
O Lord, do good to those who are good
whose hearts are in tune with You.

I'm reading A Gentle Thunder by Max Lucado now.
God has been telling me the same thing for the whole week.
regarding His pursuit for me, despite my nonchalance, my ignorance, my unwillingness due to disappointments.
He urges me gently, telling me what He is doing and encouraging me to respond.
but i refuse to react, nor act.

Some of you might be thinking how annoying can I get.
God speaks to you and you dont want to respond.?
Well, it is really not that easy.
He knows what's going on but He wants to hear me say it for myself.
He wants me to admit it out loud.
that is something that i can't bring myself to do.
dont ask me when even i myself dont know.
perhaps today, tmr.?
but i know one day i will, but i dont know if it will be in time.

how do you get better if you've had the best.?

thinking of you

2009-08-15T11:57:00.000+08:00

Comparisons are easily done
Once you've had a taste of perfection
Like an apple hanging from a tree
I picked the ripest one
and I've still got the seed

hi there.!
sorry, will update less often cos my laptop is out.
furthermore, im more occupied with work now.
and i dont really like to say much nowadays.
i feel stripped away.
be back when there's more.

You said move on, where do I go?
'Cause in your eyes I'd like to stay, stay

afterthoughts

2009-08-10T10:43:00.001+08:00

by the time the mind is able to comprehend what has happened,
the wounds of the heart are already too deep.

hush.

2009-08-06T19:14:00.000+08:00

i dont need you to question what i do.

turmoil of emotions.
ada, you're so right when you said the song is so mella. (:

intiative, cannot always only be taken by one person.
just as much as i want to know about you but you, forever remaining passive
will only caused me to move on.
even though im always the one to take the initiative, i do get tired.
dont harden you heart towards me, i am not someone who would let you down.
the reason why i am doing certain things is to prevent the flame to rekindle before the time is right.

dandelion;

2009-08-04T22:24:00.002+08:00

dandelion promise; 蒲公英的约定

so hard to upload photos nowadays,
must use html code.
whats wrong with blogger.? ARGH. :/

haha, happy birthday ana. (:
i hope you have a plesant surprise and awesome celebration. (:

2nd day of work.
how was it.? unexpected.
in wad way.? ask me personally.
tired. tired. tired.
good night.

Evon, Zak and the rest who are looking for me
i think its my turn to MIA soooon.
please please,
TEXT ME, i got unlimited sms.
i will reply you faster.
SO TEXT ME. thank you. (:

一起长大的约定　
那样真心　
与你聊不完的曾经
而我已经分不清　
你是友情还是错过的爱情 ♥

i miss you every single moment.

silent nights and solitary days.

2009-07-31T00:37:00.002+08:00

look at the title.
man, i cannot agree more.

as i was readin Travelling Light by Max Lucado.
i came upon chapter 13 [silent nights and solitary days, the burden of loneliness]
at that point of time what came into my mind was
"AHA.! thats it. that is so what i am thinking of".

Psalms 6:6-7 (MSG)
I'm tired of all this—so tired.
My bed has been floating forty days and nights
On the flood of my tears.
My mattress is soaked, soggy with tears.
The sockets of my eyes are black holes;
nearly blind, I squint and grope.

the last time i read this verse, was a super low period in my life.
now i know why God kept spoking to me about King David.
i am so similar to him in so many ways.
King David understands loneliness so much more than me.
but yet, he was able to write this sentence

Psalms 23:4
You are with me

he knows that God is with him.
so what more about me.?
after all that He has brought me through, shouldnt i know too.?

on top of that,
im willing to settle down with the fact that this season of solitude may be
God's way of getting my attention.
after all, i've been distracted too many times and for too long.

the message is so clear to me now.
the question now is whether if i will accept it.

well, thats for you to find out.
pip pip love.

pain and gain;

2009-07-30T10:36:00.003+08:00

Psalms 115:11
All you who fear the Lord, trust the Lord.
He is your helper and your shield.

yes, im seeking solace and comfort.
im still recovering.
finally last night i had a sound sleep.
think i was too tire out by ada. *grins.

the reason why i can't slp properly is because
i spend my nights thinking bout the changes in our lives.
because i wasn't able to adapt to it in such a short time.
but i guess i have to wake up.
to start adapting to it, cos you're moving on.
i can't stay here and stare at your back right.?

as i grow closer to God,
i began to understand better why i went through all of this.
and for all the tears that i've shed.
because of the sentence 'break my heart for what breaks Yours'
i never really had my heart broken before.
and this time its drastically broken and im doing all i can to put it back.

but because of that sentence,
i realised what God has given me was so much, so much more.
and how i reciprocated was not even deserving of what He has given.
i see it now, what i should do. and i am trying to do it.

to you,
i dont want to have anymore gaps or cracks in our relationship
because its hurting the both of us.
this is a season of seperation, for both our benefit.
you and i both know.

2009-07-29T23:42:00.000+08:00

yay, finally blogger is back to normal.
i had a great day of talking with ada at Sentosa.
and we are now both red chilli lobsters.?
HAHAHA.

i see the truth,
and it hurts.
because what i see is not what you see.

2009-07-28T23:00:00.002+08:00

oh, bloody hell.
):
take my heart and throw it on the floor.

worried for the whole day.
the answer is no.
depressed for the whole day.
the answer is no.
thinking how to approach, to reconcile.
the answer is no.
wanting to settle things, to patch up the relationship.
the answer is no.
always doing so much while one sits by and observe.
the answer is no.
nonchalant, im frustrated, desperate to fixed things.
the answer is no.

why do i always care so much.
~~ar, tiew lei. i am such an asshole.~~

upppppp.!

2009-07-27T10:13:00.001+08:00

guess what's the next movie i wanna watch.?

SOOOO ANTICIPATING LA.!
anybody wanna ask me to watch.?
i half daay on 7th aug.!
teehee

gonna make my PS card and have my medical checkup today
hopefully, all is well

meanwhile, about last week
what happened was God spoke to me about King David 4 times using the same story but all different msgs
so ya, im still deciphering it.
thats briefly what happened
will say more when i have the chance

unrequited.

2009-07-25T22:22:00.001+08:00

A mighty pain to love it is,
And 'tis a pain that pain to miss;
But of all pains, the greatest pain
It is to love, but love in vain.
Abraham Cowley

need i say more.?

i spent time reading through all that you've typed and written
spent time thinking bout all that you've spoken
how to forget when it's not supposed to be forgotten.?

its a good week.
will update more about it when im ready.

2009-07-22T23:56:00.003+08:00

woo, today was a simple day out with adada to IKEA.
well, we ate quite alot
especially adada
well, cant deny her fetish for swedish meatballs is as much as what jolene has for chocolates
just a simple day yet it has lotsa joy in it
maybe because i've learnt how to reallly be appreciative of things.

i'm picking up the pieces
spending all of these years
putting my heart back together

love seeds; sowed

2009-07-21T12:06:00.003+08:00

let go, sweetheart

yay, the fever finally subsided.
this morning they called me for relief teaching but i didn't go.
dont wanna spread my cough and flu to the kids.

then just now i saw Straits Times headlines saying that those with flu are more prone to get H1N1
yipeedo.?
keep sleeping the whole day
i feel like a human pig
no appetite too with this blocked nose
i really wanna eat banditto
sherman's having sch holiday today, he's going out later
i have nth to do other than giving tuition
there's still tmr.! (:

there's nothing in your heart left to follow,
nothing in your soul left to stay
so what am i holding on to.?

closure; nowhere near.

2009-07-20T21:04:00.008+08:00

now that its all said and done
i cant believe you were the one
to build me up
and tear me down
like an old abandoned house

what you said when you left
just left me cold and out of breath
i fell too far, was in way too deep.
guess i let you get the best of me.

i miss banditto!

2009-07-19T23:42:00.002+08:00

what do i miss.?

i miss my non-bleeding toe (yes, its bleeding!)
i miss my normal nose (yes, its running)
i miss a happy and contented day spent with you.
i miss having a really close friend.
i miss the caring person under my block.
i miss falling asleep the moment my head hits the pillow.

well, simple and quiet day today.
whole day watching HP(Goblet of Fire) and HK drama.
shuffling between 2 rooms was quite funny.
dint speak much, dint eat much either.
since im sick, i've lost appetite.
im sure i will drop another few kg.
good then, i'll be skinnier. HAHA.

well, sometimes i really think that im alright.
but somedays its just really different.
ah, there's only so much i can do right.? (:

well, pip pip. nighty nights.!
as jolene says, got flu must slp earlier.
i hope i can slp though. (:
perhaps, most importantly
i missed you.

2009-07-18T22:09:00.002+08:00

hahaha.
i realised that my sickness sets in after 5pm.
since service, i have a headache, a block nose and a sore throat.
last night, i had a running nose, headache and sore throat.
this is bad bad bad bad.

i really hate throbbing headaches.
i nv had headaches before until when i was 19.
HAHA. please dont be shocked.

anyway, service today feels very different.
somehow i felt that PD did not have the chance to say what he want to.
hmmmm.
tmr is another day at home.

2009-07-18T00:14:00.002+08:00

okay. HPHBP was good good.
in fact, better than i expected.
certain parts different from the book.
nonetheless, captured essential points.

short update,
sch reporting date change to 3rd Aug.
SIGH, another 2 weeks of hols.
anybody wannnna ask me out.?

hmm. i know im falling sick.
but i cannot afford to.
i have church, cg and btt tmr.
please, pray for me to get well after a good night's sleep.
provided I GET SLEEP.

finally finish wrapping the present except for one.
feel like a paper shredder but was quite fun. (:
shd i wrap the present now or tmr.?
argh, dying soon.

im feeling terrible physically and bit emotionally.
other than that im alright.

firefly, come back to me.

2009-07-17T02:58:00.002+08:00

Jeremiah 29:11-13

'I'll show up and take care of you as I promised and bring you back home.
I know what I'm doing. I have it all planned out—
plans to take care of you, not abandon you, plans to give you the future you hope for.
When you call on me, when you come and pray to me, I'll listen.
When you come looking for me, you'll find me.
Yes, when you get serious about finding me and want it more than anything else,
I'll make sure you won't be disappointed. I'll turn things around for you.'

this promise is really assuring.
especially since i cant sleep again.
i woke up in tears.

i dont know how.
it cant go on like this, im starting work soon. ):

complaining mella.

2009-07-16T17:49:00.004+08:00

i complained just now, in my thoughts.
this is what i said.

"God, if you see my weaknesses then why didn't you help me.!?"

well, it was a demand and a "how could you do this" kinda expression.
if you are wondering what was the answer.
all i got was silence.
and then, the answer.

"What makes you think I am not doing anything?"

haha, totallly blew my head off.
i surrender. (:

help me to let my world revolve around You and not you.
i still feel you everywhere, eveyr single moment in me and with me, i miss you so badly.

oh wells, ended up dk was too restless to go.
went on my own and i bought presents.! (:

loneliness is a gift;

2009-07-16T12:25:00.003+08:00

hmmm.
today is an EXTREMELY boring day.
but i choose to stay home to show that i am a good girl. (teehee)
well, i dont wanna be going out everyday of the week.
so guess what i did today..?!

.when i woke up this morning
.i had an unplesant shock.
.that i kept squirming in bed.
.i really wanted to explain and defend myself.
.but i dont want you to think that i've jump to conclusions.
.actually if i wanted to use a substitute, it would be so easy.
.but i dont want and i cannot.
.thats why i insist, this time its different.
.it is special and it means alot.
.especially with relentless praying.
.but it hurts so much to know that it is only one sided.
.not like others, its two sided.
.im pathethic sometimes. haha

i plucked spinach, mopped the floor, read 8 chapters of HP(again).!
oh ya, and cooked soup.!

well, a reason why i like to go out is becuase
1. i wont dwell in loneliness and keep pondering about it
2. i wont die of boredom
3. i can catch up with friends!
4. work starts next week.

but i decided not to go out today,
cos my next week schedule is really horrible.
every night also go home late.
i havent tell my dad yet.
ahahahahah.
anyway, so many updates.
so proud of myself.
wait till work start. im sure it'll be like one post a week.
so ppl reading, you ppl better appreciate this. LOL.

well, im going to gek poh later to continue sourcing for presents.
i know, some ppl must be wondering.
where in the world and what on earth is gek poh.
hahaha. it is a neighbourhood mall.
and dk is accompanying me since we both stay so near gek poh. HAAS.
although i think he still wants to go vivo. ><

把爱收进胸前左边口袋
最后的疼爱是手放开

拿得起放得下

2009-07-15T22:31:00.003+08:00

shosho mella.

it was really interesting for me to do the spiritual gift test yesterday.
to really embrace my spiritual gifts.
something i know that is there, but because of my failure
i pretend that it wasn't there anymore.
such a stupid thing to bluff myself.

to be honest,
i think i do bluff myself quite alot of times.
HAHAHA.
int the bid of an attempt to "escape".
but ya la, i have to face it at the end of the day.

the best example is talking bout letting go,
i always believe that if i am prepared to let go then i will accept it.
but surprisingly, this principle is not working for me this time round.
on second thoughts, im sure there is more than this.

in the morning,
i will think that i've let go.
but when the night sinks in,
oh well, it gets tough.
but i get by i guess.
just hope the eyebags wont build up.
(its a lie, it has already BUILT up. LOL)

anyway, i've successfully shifted my focus to God.
but im still in the midst of drawing nearer.
here are a couple of things i gotta do.

1. be thankful; even to the smallest details
2. pray more; every itty bitty stuff
3. if i need to pass a msg, pass the ENTIRE msg.

currently, this it is.
but its more than enough.
being thankful is really something that i am not good in doing. (:

oh ya, one last thing.
im starting to think alot.
but this time its not bout me.
its about others.

toodles, gonna call ada.

letting go;

2009-07-15T00:06:00.002+08:00

letting you go is difficult.
but
letting you go is letting you live.

no no no surprise.

2009-07-13T22:34:00.002+08:00

yay, i had a simple yet good good day today.
talked to ada and she laughed AT MY STUPIDITY.
lol. i laughed at her too. :P
cant wait for wednesday. HEEEES.

jolene says:
i want to die already lah.

JOLENE.! cannnot.!
IT IS TOOOOO EARLY.!
we havent compose our own songs and visit many many places yet.
teehee.

on a note, just completed my supplementary form.
I AM SO THANKFUL THAT JULIE HELPS ME PRINT.
if not i will die from spasm on the floor tmr at the complex.
hmmmmm.

thats all.
pray for me tmr to not have a nervous wreck and tear my hair out.

be still, mella.

2009-07-13T11:03:00.003+08:00

i have nothing to do in the morning.
i went to read julie's blog all the way back to OCTOBER'08.
julie, please dont think im a stalker.
and i kope this quiz-zy stuff from you.
im too bored.

1. Last person you shared food with?
Chilli crab with aunt and uncle

2. Have you been a happy, angry, or sad person lately?
Whirl of emotions

3. Has there been anyone particular on your mind at all today?
everyone, everyday.

4. Are you wearing jeans, shorts, sweatpants, or pajama pants?
FBT shorts

5. Do you love the last person that called you today?
Hmm, it was an appointed formalities officer. ><

6. Could you date someone taller than you?
I think I have to, I'm pretty short

7. Is there a person of the opposite sex who means a lot to you?
Yes.

8. Do you need to say anything to someone?
Help me, WHAT TO DO TMR.?

9. Do you think before you speak?
I try to.

10.What’s the last thing that made you sad?
HMMMM.
11. Do you wear glasses?
I canont be bothered

12.What does your number 1 call you?
He calls me princess.

13.What color shirt are you wearing?
Green

14.Do you straighten your hair often?
Define often.?

15.Who was the last person you saw in person?
My grandmother.

16.How are you feeling?
PANICKY and worried.

17.Is there something you're not looking forward to?
Nope.

18.Do you think boys truly understand girls?
It depends, it dies to a certain extend. LOL.

19.Choose: bonfire on a beach or clubbing in the city?
I am not a night person, and I absolutely hate clubbing

20.Is there anybody you wish you could be spending time with right now?
Yes.
21.Does anybody have a tattoo with your name on it?
I will think that person is CRAZY.

22.Are you usually wide awake in the morning?
Yes.

23.What was the last movie you watched?
ICE AGE 3.

24.Ever been lied to by someone you thought would never lie to you?
Who doesn't lie.?

25.Who was the last person of the opposite sex you talked to?
Jere.

26.Do you like hugs and kisses?
Yes. HAHA.

27.When's the last time you laughed really hard?
HMMM. yesterday night cos of the song.

28.What's the first thing that pops into your head when you think of last summer?
Beach.

29.Give me lyrics from the song you're listening to?
Julie's blogsong

30.What is the last non-alcoholic beverage you had?
Water Chestnut

31.Who was your last text from & what did it say?
Evon: 'i wanna watch ice age'

32.Do you have someone of the opposite sex you can tell everything to?
Yes.

33.How about the same sex?
Yes.
34.Are you a fast typer?
IMO, yes.

35.How do you dot your i's?
I draw a circle.

36.What do you think of people who show off about their handwriting?
They must think its really nice.

37.Have you ever laughed at something that wasn't meant to be funny?
Yes.

38.Do people often mistake you for a different nationality?
Ya, Jap. HAHA.

39.Do you tan or burn when in the sun?
I tan.

40.Would you rather sleep with someone else, or alone?
It depends on who that someone else is.

41.Do you like sushi?
its okay. not very particular bout it.

42.What food do you find disgusting?
Anything sticky, slimy or raw.

43.What was the weather like on your birthday?
it was a sunny day.

44.Ever kissed someone of the same sex?
No, got kissed before though

45.Are you laid-back?
I'm trying to be. HAHA. im not a laidback person.

46.Do you even know what laid-back means?
Yes. IM NOT THAT DUMB.
47. Does it matter if your bf/gf smokes ciggs ?
Yes, im a teeny wee bit prejudice and i believe he/she doesnt want me to ge tling cancer.

48.Have you had any form of exercise today?
No. NOT FOR MELLA.

49. Do you get the trick in the song "If You Seek Amy" by Britney Spears?
Yes, all thanks to sherman.

50. Did you know if you eat too many carrots, your skin can turn orange?
Yes. Knew that, THAT IS WHY I DONT EAT CARRRROTS.

51. What's your favorite colour gummy bear?
Red

52.Your favorite thing to drink on a hot summer day?
Ice lemon tea

53. Are you competitive?
Quite.

54.Who was the last person you sat beside at a restaurant?
I cannot remember.

55. Is there someone that you believe you will always be attracted to?
Yes.

56. If you smoke cigarettes, what hand do you usually hold it in?
I nv tried. But i guess i'll use the left hand so that I will give up immediately.

57. What would you do if someone ran at you with a knife?
I dont know, i think my reflex quite slow.

58. How are you feeling right now?
bored and worried. (WEIRD COMBINATION)

59. Are you listening to music right now?
No.

60.Are you currently wanting any piercings or tattoo?
Not really into it anymore.

61.Who did you last lay with?
Pillow, Bolster, Bear.

62.Are you afraid of roller coasters?
Hmm. I WILL SCREAM lorr.

63. What are you supposed to be doing right now?
Getting ready for breakfast.

64. Do you prefer warm or cold weather?
Cold wether with sun can.?

65.Have you ever kissed someone in water?
No, haven't.

66. Were you happy when you woke up?
Quite.

67. Do you plan on moving out in the next year?
No.

68. Any plans for tomorrow?
Yes, appointed formalities and DS.

69. How has this week been?
The week just started.

70. When is the last time you took a nap?
I CANNOT REMEMBER. *gasps

71.How far away is a family member you miss?
a phone call away.

72. Did you get a full 8 hours of sleep last night?
I think so.?

73.First person to speak to you in 09'?
I cannot remember

74.Have you accidentally sent a text to the wrong person?
Ya. That happens quite frequently.

75.When someone says we need to talk what runs through your mind?
I hope its something good.

76. How did you do on the last test you took?
I got an B+ for it.

Yay, the long awaited Appoinment Formalities for my AED has finally been set.
It is tmr at 2.30pm.
HOWEVER, I AM SUPER ANXIOUS NOW.
cos i am worried that it'll be another interview.
HOW HOW HOW HOW HOW.! ><
and im pestering julie bout it. sorry julie. ):
paranoid mella acting up.
IM NOT THINKING STRAIGHT.
somebody please send encouragement.

2009-07-13T00:01:00.004+08:00

i have never expected someone to be able
to express in words what i feel so perfectly.

words that i myself cannot express,
that i can only cry out.

but you wrote every single word down.
exactly how i felt.
i gasp when i read. i was taken aback.

2009-07-12T12:51:00.002+08:00

we're all foolishly nice people.
we treat people nicely,
despite knowing the fact that they will take us for granted.
despite knowing that they are the ones who can easily trigger a reaction from us.
but still, we do it.
why, because of love.
that is the difference.
and i no longer mind because God first love me.
so i love every single one of you too.

we should just do that kay.?
secret butt. (:

2009-07-12T01:43:00.000+08:00

!!!!
i really cared again.
and this was how i was treated. ):

2009-07-11T22:24:00.000+08:00

hey everybody.
welcome to my new blog.
LINK ME.! (:

alan, sorry.
i dint mean to change blogs 4 times a year.!
i dint realised.

really thank you to wei shun for the photos.!
alot of hard work.! (:
i am really really happy cos i manage to personalise this skin.
(with loads of help from shun!)
i hope all of you here <3 my new blog.

in this blog, it marks a remakable change of my life.
yes this change has occured quite awhile.
but i decided to open this blog only when
1. the change is really occuring
2. the skin is ready

and it happened in time (like together!).
so i am really thankful.
today is a good day.
i look forward to using my spiritual gifts for His kingdom.

and to you, who noticed my new shoes.
i heard what you said. (:
just wanna let you know i dint buy it.
my aunt & uncle bought it from HK for me.
i'm delighted that you even notice the shoes.

i know that there will be more than this,
for the rest of my days.

all of my life

i don't need a parachute

back after hiatus

words.

what happens.?

right here, right now

post birthday

im back, so is blogger. (:

upstairs, downstairs.

open my heart.

iSLOGAN

-

Psalms 125:4

thinking of you

afterthoughts

hush.

dandelion;

silent nights and solitary days.

pain and gain;

upppppp.!

unrequited.

love seeds; sowed

closure; nowhere near.

i miss banditto!

complaining mella.

loneliness is a gift;

拿得起 放得下

letting go;

no no no surprise.

拿得起放得下