look at the title.
man, i cannot agree more.

as i was readin Travelling Light by Max Lucado.
i came upon chapter 13 [silent nights and solitary days, the burden of loneliness]
at that point of time what came into my mind was
"AHA.! thats it. that is so what i am thinking of".

Psalms 6:6-7 (MSG)
I'm tired of all this—so tired.
My bed has been floating forty days and nights
On the flood of my tears.
My mattress is soaked, soggy with tears.
The sockets of my eyes are black holes;
nearly blind, I squint and grope.

the last time i read this verse, was a super low period in my life.
now i know why God kept spoking to me about King David.
i am so similar to him in so many ways.
King David understands loneliness so much more than me.
but yet, he was able to write this sentence

Psalms 23:4
You are with me

he knows that God is with him.
so what more about me.?
after all that He has brought me through, shouldnt i know too.?

on top of that,
im willing to settle down with the fact that this season of solitude may be
God's way of getting my attention.
after all, i've been distracted too many times and for too long.

the message is so clear to me now.
the question now is whether if i will accept it.

well, thats for you to find out.
pip pip love.

Psalms 115:11
All you who fear the Lord, trust the Lord.
He is your helper and your shield.


yes, im seeking solace and comfort.
im still recovering.
finally last night i had a sound sleep.
think i was too tire out by ada. *grins.

the reason why i can't slp properly is because
i spend my nights thinking bout the changes in our lives.
because i wasn't able to adapt to it in such a short time.
but i guess i have to wake up.
to start adapting to it, cos you're moving on.
i can't stay here and stare at your back right.?

as i grow closer to God,
i began to understand better why i went through all of this.
and for all the tears that i've shed.
because of the sentence 'break my heart for what breaks Yours'
i never really had my heart broken before.
and this time its drastically broken and im doing all i can to put it back.

but because of that sentence,
i realised what God has given me was so much, so much more.
and how i reciprocated was not even deserving of what He has given.
i see it now, what i should do. and i am trying to do it.



to you,
i dont want to have anymore gaps or cracks in our relationship
because its hurting the both of us.
this is a season of seperation, for both our benefit.
you and i both know.

yay, finally blogger is back to normal.
i had a great day of talking with ada at Sentosa.
and we are now both red chilli lobsters.?
HAHAHA.

i see the truth,
and it hurts.
because what i see is not what you see.

oh, bloody hell.
):
take my heart and throw it on the floor.

worried for the whole day.
the answer is no.
depressed for the whole day.
the answer is no.
thinking how to approach, to reconcile.
the answer is no.
wanting to settle things, to patch up the relationship.
the answer is no.
always doing so much while one sits by and observe.
the answer is no.
nonchalant, im frustrated, desperate to fixed things.
the answer is no.

why do i always care so much.
ar, tiew lei. i am such an asshole.

guess what's the next movie i wanna watch.?



SOOOO ANTICIPATING LA.!
anybody wanna ask me to watch.?
i half daay on 7th aug.!
teehee

gonna make my PS card and have my medical checkup today
hopefully, all is well

meanwhile, about last week
what happened was God spoke to me about King David 4 times using the same story but all different msgs
so ya, im still deciphering it.
thats briefly what happened
will say more when i have the chance

Labels: cute granda, random

A mighty pain to love it is,
And 'tis a pain that pain to miss;
But of all pains, the greatest pain
It is to love, but love in vain.
Abraham Cowley


need i say more.?


i spent time reading through all that you've typed and written
spent time thinking bout all that you've spoken
how to forget when it's not supposed to be forgotten.?

its a good week.
will update more about it when im ready.

woo, today was a simple day out with adada to IKEA.
well, we ate quite alot
especially adada
well, cant deny her fetish for swedish meatballs is as much as what jolene has for chocolates
just a simple day yet it has lotsa joy in it
maybe because i've learnt how to reallly be appreciative of things.



i'm picking up the pieces
spending all of these years
putting my heart back together

let go, sweetheart

yay, the fever finally subsided.
this morning they called me for relief teaching but i didn't go.
dont wanna spread my cough and flu to the kids.

then just now i saw Straits Times headlines saying that those with flu are more prone to get H1N1
yipeedo.?
keep sleeping the whole day
i feel like a human pig
no appetite too with this blocked nose
i really wanna eat banditto
sherman's having sch holiday today, he's going out later
i have nth to do other than giving tuition
there's still tmr.! (:


there's nothing in your heart left to follow,
nothing in your soul left to stay
so what am i holding on to.?

Labels: daily life, truth

what do i miss.?

i miss my non-bleeding toe (yes, its bleeding!)
i miss my normal nose (yes, its running)
i miss a happy and contented day spent with you.
i miss having a really close friend.
i miss the caring person under my block.
i miss falling asleep the moment my head hits the pillow.

well, simple and quiet day today.
whole day watching HP(Goblet of Fire) and HK drama.
shuffling between 2 rooms was quite funny.
dint speak much, dint eat much either.
since im sick, i've lost appetite.
im sure i will drop another few kg.
good then, i'll be skinnier. HAHA.

well, sometimes i really think that im alright.
but somedays its just really different.
ah, there's only so much i can do right.? (:

well, pip pip. nighty nights.!
as jolene says, got flu must slp earlier.
i hope i can slp though. (:
perhaps, most importantly
i missed you.

hahaha.
i realised that my sickness sets in after 5pm.
since service, i have a headache, a block nose and a sore throat.
last night, i had a running nose, headache and sore throat.
this is bad bad bad bad.

i really hate throbbing headaches.
i nv had headaches before until when i was 19.
HAHA. please dont be shocked.

anyway, service today feels very different.
somehow i felt that PD did not have the chance to say what he want to.
hmmmm.
tmr is another day at home.

okay. HPHBP was good good.
in fact, better than i expected.
certain parts different from the book.
nonetheless, captured essential points.

short update,
sch reporting date change to 3rd Aug.
SIGH, another 2 weeks of hols.
anybody wannnna ask me out.?

hmm. i know im falling sick.
but i cannot afford to.
i have church, cg and btt tmr.
please, pray for me to get well after a good night's sleep.
provided I GET SLEEP.

finally finish wrapping the present except for one.
feel like a paper shredder but was quite fun. (:
shd i wrap the present now or tmr.?
argh, dying soon.

im feeling terrible physically and bit emotionally.
other than that im alright.

firefly, come back to me.

Jeremiah 29:11-13

'I'll show up and take care of you as I promised and bring you back home.
I know what I'm doing. I have it all planned out—
plans to take care of you, not abandon you, plans to give you the future you hope for.
When you call on me, when you come and pray to me, I'll listen.
When you come looking for me, you'll find me.
Yes, when you get serious about finding me and want it more than anything else,
I'll make sure you won't be disappointed. I'll turn things around for you.'

this promise is really assuring.
especially since i cant sleep again.
i woke up in tears.

i dont know how.
it cant go on like this, im starting work soon. ):

i complained just now, in my thoughts.
this is what i said.

"God, if you see my weaknesses then why didn't you help me.!?"

well, it was a demand and a "how could you do this" kinda expression.
if you are wondering what was the answer.
all i got was silence.
and then, the answer.

"What makes you think I am not doing anything?"

haha, totallly blew my head off.
i surrender. (:

help me to let my world revolve around You and not you.
i still feel you everywhere, eveyr single moment in me and with me, i miss you so badly.

oh wells, ended up dk was too restless to go.
went on my own and i bought presents.! (:

shosho mella.

it was really interesting for me to do the spiritual gift test yesterday.
to really embrace my spiritual gifts.
something i know that is there, but because of my failure
i pretend that it wasn't there anymore.
such a stupid thing to bluff myself.

to be honest,
i think i do bluff myself quite alot of times.
HAHAHA.
int the bid of an attempt to "escape".
but ya la, i have to face it at the end of the day.

the best example is talking bout letting go,
i always believe that if i am prepared to let go then i will accept it.
but surprisingly, this principle is not working for me this time round.
on second thoughts, im sure there is more than this.

in the morning,
i will think that i've let go.
but when the night sinks in,
oh well, it gets tough.
but i get by i guess.
just hope the eyebags wont build up.
(its a lie, it has already BUILT up. LOL)

anyway, i've successfully shifted my focus to God.
but im still in the midst of drawing nearer.
here are a couple of things i gotta do.

1. be thankful; even to the smallest details
2. pray more; every itty bitty stuff
3. if i need to pass a msg, pass the ENTIRE msg.

currently, this it is.
but its more than enough.
being thankful is really something that i am not good in doing. (:

oh ya, one last thing.
im starting to think alot.
but this time its not bout me.
its about others.


toodles, gonna call ada.

yay, i had a simple yet good good day today.
talked to ada and she laughed AT MY STUPIDITY.
lol. i laughed at her too. :P
cant wait for wednesday. HEEEES.


jolene says:
i want to die already lah.

JOLENE.! cannnot.!
IT IS TOOOOO EARLY.!
we havent compose our own songs and visit many many places yet.
teehee.

on a note, just completed my supplementary form.
I AM SO THANKFUL THAT JULIE HELPS ME PRINT.
if not i will die from spasm on the floor tmr at the complex.
hmmmmm.

thats all.
pray for me tmr to not have a nervous wreck and tear my hair out.



be still, mella.

i have nothing to do in the morning.
i went to read julie's blog all the way back to OCTOBER'08.
julie, please dont think im a stalker.
and i kope this quiz-zy stuff from you.
im too bored.

1. Last person you shared food with?
Chilli crab with aunt and uncle

2. Have you been a happy, angry, or sad person lately?
Whirl of emotions

3. Has there been anyone particular on your mind at all today?
everyone, everyday.

4. Are you wearing jeans, shorts, sweatpants, or pajama pants?
FBT shorts

5. Do you love the last person that called you today?
Hmm, it was an appointed formalities officer. ><

6. Could you date someone taller than you?
I think I have to, I'm pretty short

7. Is there a person of the opposite sex who means a lot to you?
Yes.

8. Do you need to say anything to someone?
Help me, WHAT TO DO TMR.?

9. Do you think before you speak?
I try to.

10.What’s the last thing that made you sad?
HMMMM.
11. Do you wear glasses?
I canont be bothered

12.What does your number 1 call you?
He calls me princess.

13.What color shirt are you wearing?
Green

14.Do you straighten your hair often?
Define often.?

15.Who was the last person you saw in person?
My grandmother.

16.How are you feeling?
PANICKY and worried.

17.Is there something you're not looking forward to?
Nope.

18.Do you think boys truly understand girls?
It depends, it dies to a certain extend. LOL.

19.Choose: bonfire on a beach or clubbing in the city?
I am not a night person, and I absolutely hate clubbing

20.Is there anybody you wish you could be spending time with right now?
Yes.
21.Does anybody have a tattoo with your name on it?
I will think that person is CRAZY.

22.Are you usually wide awake in the morning?
Yes.

23.What was the last movie you watched?
ICE AGE 3.

24.Ever been lied to by someone you thought would never lie to you?
Who doesn't lie.?

25.Who was the last person of the opposite sex you talked to?
Jere.

26.Do you like hugs and kisses?
Yes. HAHA.

27.When's the last time you laughed really hard?
HMMM. yesterday night cos of the song.

28.What's the first thing that pops into your head when you think of last summer?
Beach.

29.Give me lyrics from the song you're listening to?
Julie's blogsong

30.What is the last non-alcoholic beverage you had?
Water Chestnut

31.Who was your last text from & what did it say?
Evon: 'i wanna watch ice age'

32.Do you have someone of the opposite sex you can tell everything to?
Yes.

33.How about the same sex?
Yes.
34.Are you a fast typer?
IMO, yes.

35.How do you dot your i's?
I draw a circle.

36.What do you think of people who show off about their handwriting?
They must think its really nice.

37.Have you ever laughed at something that wasn't meant to be funny?
Yes.

38.Do people often mistake you for a different nationality?
Ya, Jap. HAHA.

39.Do you tan or burn when in the sun?
I tan.

40.Would you rather sleep with someone else, or alone?
It depends on who that someone else is.

41.Do you like sushi?
its okay. not very particular bout it.

42.What food do you find disgusting?
Anything sticky, slimy or raw.

43.What was the weather like on your birthday?
it was a sunny day.

44.Ever kissed someone of the same sex?
No, got kissed before though

45.Are you laid-back?
I'm trying to be. HAHA. im not a laidback person.

46.Do you even know what laid-back means?
Yes. IM NOT THAT DUMB.
47. Does it matter if your bf/gf smokes ciggs ?
Yes, im a teeny wee bit prejudice and i believe he/she doesnt want me to ge tling cancer.

48.Have you had any form of exercise today?
No. NOT FOR MELLA.

49. Do you get the trick in the song "If You Seek Amy" by Britney Spears?
Yes, all thanks to sherman.

50. Did you know if you eat too many carrots, your skin can turn orange?
Yes. Knew that, THAT IS WHY I DONT EAT CARRRROTS.

51. What's your favorite colour gummy bear?
Red

52.Your favorite thing to drink on a hot summer day?
Ice lemon tea

53. Are you competitive?
Quite.

54.Who was the last person you sat beside at a restaurant?
I cannot remember.

55. Is there someone that you believe you will always be attracted to?
Yes.

56. If you smoke cigarettes, what hand do you usually hold it in?
I nv tried. But i guess i'll use the left hand so that I will give up immediately.

57. What would you do if someone ran at you with a knife?
I dont know, i think my reflex quite slow.

58. How are you feeling right now?
bored and worried. (WEIRD COMBINATION)

59. Are you listening to music right now?
No.

60.Are you currently wanting any piercings or tattoo?
Not really into it anymore.

61.Who did you last lay with?
Pillow, Bolster, Bear.

62.Are you afraid of roller coasters?
Hmm. I WILL SCREAM lorr.

63. What are you supposed to be doing right now?
Getting ready for breakfast.

64. Do you prefer warm or cold weather?
Cold wether with sun can.?

65.Have you ever kissed someone in water?
No, haven't.

66. Were you happy when you woke up?
Quite.

67. Do you plan on moving out in the next year?
No.

68. Any plans for tomorrow?
Yes, appointed formalities and DS.

69. How has this week been?
The week just started.

70. When is the last time you took a nap?
I CANNOT REMEMBER. *gasps

71.How far away is a family member you miss?
a phone call away.

72. Did you get a full 8 hours of sleep last night?
I think so.?

73.First person to speak to you in 09'?
I cannot remember

74.Have you accidentally sent a text to the wrong person?
Ya. That happens quite frequently.

75.When someone says we need to talk what runs through your mind?
I hope its something good.

76. How did you do on the last test you took?
I got an B+ for it.





Yay, the long awaited Appoinment Formalities for my AED has finally been set.
It is tmr at 2.30pm.
HOWEVER, I AM SUPER ANXIOUS NOW.
cos i am worried that it'll be another interview.
HOW HOW HOW HOW HOW.! ><
and im pestering julie bout it. sorry julie. ):
paranoid mella acting up.
IM NOT THINKING STRAIGHT.
somebody please send encouragement.

i have never expected someone to be able
to express in words what i feel so perfectly.

words that i myself cannot express,
that i can only cry out.

but you wrote every single word down.
exactly how i felt.
i gasp when i read. i was taken aback.

we're all foolishly nice people.
we treat people nicely,
despite knowing the fact that they will take us for granted.
despite knowing that they are the ones who can easily trigger a reaction from us.
but still, we do it.
why, because of love.
that is the difference.
and i no longer mind because God first love me.
so i love every single one of you too.

we should just do that kay.?
secret butt. (:

!!!!
i really cared again.
and this was how i was treated. ):

hey everybody.
welcome to my new blog.
LINK ME.! (:

alan, sorry.
i dint mean to change blogs 4 times a year.!
i dint realised.

really thank you to wei shun for the photos.!
alot of hard work.! (:
i am really really happy cos i manage to personalise this skin.
(with loads of help from shun!)
i hope all of you here <3 my new blog.

in this blog, it marks a remakable change of my life.
yes this change has occured quite awhile.
but i decided to open this blog only when
1. the change is really occuring
2. the skin is ready

and it happened in time (like together!).
so i am really thankful.
today is a good day.
i look forward to using my spiritual gifts for His kingdom.

and to you, who noticed my new shoes.
i heard what you said. (:
just wanna let you know i dint buy it.
my aunt & uncle bought it from HK for me.
i'm delighted that you even notice the shoes.

i know that there will be more than this,
for the rest of my days.